Leaves In A Stream

A letter

To My Dear Friend,

Honey, I know how you feel. I was there once. My friend Mandy told me I had to kiss a lot of toads to find prince charming and I did and some were real toads but when you least expect it, the right one finds you.

About soul mates? Sylvia Brown says a true soul mate is not necessarily the guy you are destined to fall in love and marry with. She said we all have many soul mates. In each lifetime we sometimes meet them but they don't all play the same roles. Take for instance my friend and lover in a past lifetime, Skywatcher. we are soul mates but in this lifetime we will never meet. It's not in our destiny for this time around.

Then there is my best buddy Rob in Virginia. He was Hosyro on here for awhile. That man is the closest thing to a best male friend and maybe female friend as I will ever have. But we aren't lovers now. Mandy is my best friend here now. We are so much alike it's scary.

But the man who was destined to be my lover was someone I met maybe two months ago. We are so matched and yet we have differences. We finish sentences for each other. He tells me I am his sexual equal and his mental equal. We read the same books. We do the same things, but he likes seafood and I can't eat it.

I was with John before and I thought he was my destiny. He was the first man since Skywatcher who ever gave me sparkles. I thought that meant he was my destiny. I was star struck by him. He made me feel so good. There wasn't another woman. Just one day he said he thought we were going too fast. So we backed away from each other but we stayed friends.

I was broken hearted for awhile. That’s when I wrote some incredible stuff. It's also when I had the breakthrough and really started to paint. I just let it all go and yes, for awhile there, the pain and the paint controlled me.

But then I reached a point where I knew John wasn't my destiny. He couldn't love me because I wasn't his destiny. I even realized that I was in love with the idea of being loved and in love. It would never have worked out because I was sucking up his energy instead of finding my energy in my mountains like I usually do.

So I gave up looking for love. I still painted, but now it wasn't a mania. It was soothing. I used to stay up all night painting. I barely dozed off for almost a month.

Then I started to really live. I got a book on tape called "Stop Being Mean To Yourself" by Melodie Beattie She's the same woman who wrote "Codependent No More". In this book she talks of how women are put in a box and how we have to find our own path out of the box. It's a very insightful book. I recommend it to all women.

so that and Sylvia Brown got me started.

Then I met "Raoul" and on our first meeting he loaned me a book. "The Celestine Prophecy" by James Redfield. There are a whole series of these. These books will take you on a spiritual journey of discovery that will change your world. I learned so much about myself and others and destiny and what is happening in the world. I learned I had to come back here because I had things I still had to do. One of those things was facing my accusers and facing myself and learning that I was not a coward.

I learned about these control dramas and why some people act the way they do. I learned why I reacted the way I did and I hope that I am learning not to be trapped in control dramas. I still have a long way to go, but I'm learning fast.

One thing you learn is that each of us who encounters someone else all have messages to exchange. You and that man had messages to exchange. You learned something about yourself and about him right?

From John, I learned that I was lovable and I knew someday I would meet that someone I was destined to fall in love with. Then when I met "Raoul" I was ready. I wasn't afraid. I went for over 12 years without sex and I never had good sex before John. I wasn't sure I was capable. When "Raoul" came along, I was "at ease". I knew I could make love. I knew I could feel it.

I wasn't afraid to let a man look at the scars on my body or even the scars on my soul. With "Raoul" things meshed, spiritually as well as sexually. It wasn't having sex, it was making love. I also learned from John that I could drive a man wild with this scarred body. I don't think either of them ever saw the scars when they looked at me. They look at me with the eyes of love. John's love wasn't the forever-after kind, but it was great at the time and we are still good friends.

Maybe, I am still here tonight to give you this message. to tell you that you too have to kiss a lot of toads but you will find your prince someday.

I recommend those books to all of you, male and female.

love, Mother

Ps: It’s not the same with Raoul anymore. I think we travel certain pathways together and then sometimes, we take different trails. I no longer believe that we are meant to spend our entire lives with the same person. I think, like leaves in the brook, for a time we travel together and then some wave or current comes a long and we separate and travel in a different direction until we meet up with another, more compatible leaf to travel with for another time.